


To Live and Lie

by NaoTatsuya



Series: Persona 5 One-shots [1]
Category: Persona 5
Genre: Angst, Goro has some very sad thoughts, Goro's hate for Shido, M/M, shuake, some physical violence mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:00:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24096961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NaoTatsuya/pseuds/NaoTatsuya
Summary: "I lie againWords that aren’t the truthI lie againWords that I don’t want to sayI lie again."Goro Akechi is in between a rock and a hard place. He has finally found someone he cares for after years, but when push comes to shove, he must decide to live or to lie.
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Amamiya Ren, Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira
Series: Persona 5 One-shots [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1738606
Kudos: 30





	To Live and Lie

**Author's Note:**

> Happened to write this after listening to some sad music. In fact, this was written while listening to SEVENTEEN's "Lie Again" on loop.
> 
> Very sad because Goro's thoughts in general are angsty and so is the situation ShuAke are in. 
> 
> Enjoy!

_Shido this. Shido that._

_What I wouldn’t give to be done with him already. To see his head bashed in. To see him thoroughly humiliated. Wouldn’t that be nice._

Goro looked at the accursed phone that he was given by _that_ man. High end technology. Something he wouldn’t be able to afford himself if he wasn’t under _that_ man’s thumb. He was just ordered to figure out anything he could about the Phantom Thieves, and if he discovered them, he was to inform _him_ so the next move could be decided upon.

_If only he knew. If only he knew, I’ve been seeing their leader for months at least. That I am essentially “dating” Joker._

Heh.

_Yet, was that my original plan? To make him love me? To make Ren fall for me?_

_No._

_The plan was simply to make him confide in me._

_But, apparently things change._

Ren. Ren changed _everything_. His intellect matched Goro’s own. He was cunning and sly like a fox. Just what Goro expected from the glorious leader of the Phantom Thieves. Yet, he never expected such distrust, hate, and anger from Ren. Never. 

Ren held such distrust for any form of power and those in power. Same with anger and hate. He hated those in power, especially if they abused the position they were in. His anger burned bright behind his mercury eyes. 

_Those eyes…_

_What I wouldn’t give to get lost in them, but I can’t._

Ren was something else, literally. As Goro came to know, Ren was falsely charged with assault on a powerful man. Someone with enough sway to force the police to forget anything that the scene of the crime may say. Someone that commanded so much with just _his face and reputation_. 

It had to have been Shido. Even if the bastard didn’t know it himself. To do that to a high school student… Ridiculous. 

_This is Shido we are talking about, though. A man who cares only for his power. A man who would leave his child and “lover,” if you could call Mother that. He didn’t care. He never cared. He just didn’t want us to impede his rise to glory._

Yet, Ren. Ren caused so much chaos for the man. Ren was foiling and messing up all Shido’s carefully made plans. What took years to construct. All that was crashing down, was being burned to ashes because of _one_ person. One man.

_And what a man he is._

Goro gave himself the chance, threw himself out there. Gave Ren a shot that day in June at the TV station. If only he knew what laid in wait for him. If only he could predict the man behind those fake glasses. Predict the… Well, _everything._

Ren was the first good thing to come to Goro since his mother’s death, since starting his revenge against Shido. Ren broke down so many walls within him, walls he scrambled to build back up. 

The pool game. Ren figuring out he was using his right hand. That he was ambidextrous, but Ren didn’t give a fuck. He only asked why. He wasn’t angry. He was… curious.

The cafe. The freaking cafe. He invited Ren genuinely to try out the cakes there, and well, he wanted to try the coffee too. Fans. Fans had to break up what he was now realizing was in fact a date. Their first date, in fact. And Ren, Ren had the audacity to not care again, but he cared for my feelings on the situation. He gave me an out, to try and fool the fans. All so we could continue our time there. 

_I should have realized then. From then, from that phone call later that night. The jokes. They weren’t just at face value. No, they were very real. He meant what he said. He meant every bit of those words, and I followed along._

Yet, that wasn’t what sealed it. The jazz club. Ren was the only person Goro deigned to take there. To his personal getaway. His home. That was where it all changed. Ren laid his heart out to Goro. Gave him a reason to flee from him. Gave him a reason to possibly hate him as everyone else outside his so called “inner circle” did. 

But what did Goro do?

_He listened._

He listened and empathized with Ren. Felt anger for him. The bottomless empty heart of his _felt_ for Ren. Wanted to reach out and help him. So, that’s what he did. Goro offered to look into the case, but Ren refused. He said there was no reason to, that the son of a bitch made sure his name didn’t appear on the records, on anything. When Goro did dig into the case, he found traces of Shido’s henchman. 

_That angered him beyond what he thought possible._

Goro knew he shouldn’t be feeling this way for Ren. He knew, and yet, he still did. He let the feelings fester and grow. He let them take him over. What a surprise. 

_He started to love Ren there._

Ren who let himself be shunned by society by his own accord from impossible to bear circumstances. Ren who allowed himself to still act as if he had no care in the world. To be free to act as he pleased. To be everything Goro wished he himself could be.

_And so from there Goro knew he had to do something before he fell in too far._

Goro had to distance himself from Ren, from the man he came to love. He had to lie to both himself and Ren. All because he knew deep down that nothing but pain would come from loving him. Yet, to love him. 

To love Ren was to love life itself. To be free. Free to express himself as he wished, how he couldn’t to no one else. He loved that. He loved the freedom to express himself. To live. To not care about the next day. To not care about the future.

To just… To just live.

Something he never really was able to since his mother passed before his eyes. The eyes of a child. Something no one should have to bare and bare alone at that. Yet, he had to. He had to live with that for years and years, and no one gave a **damn** **about it**!

It made him hate life. Made him hate living. So, he fashioned himself a plan. A plan to get back at his good for nothing father, no matter the cost.

_But now… Did he want to pay that cost? A cost which would most certainly be death. Did he want to pay it? Did he want to leave Ren?_

_No._

Ren gave him a chance to finally taste life again. Why should he throw it all away? But, the years that this plan took from him. The blood, sweat, and tears he poured over this plan. To give it all up? Is that what he wanted? 

_Did he want to continue living this lie of a life?_

_Did he want to kill Ren as he has been ordered?_

_Give up his freedom?_

**_Hell no._ **

_But, what other choice did he have?_

_He was too far in the Conspiracy to back out no questions asked. They would kill him before he even got out the door or out of the city._

_But, Goro did know one thing:_

Shido has to fall. By God, Goro would make sure he saw it happen, and most preferably, he would make sure it was by his own two hands.


End file.
